The first time I heard ‘Lights Out’ I think I stopped breathing. There is so much in one 3 min track to process that it took a while to sort all the emotions that took over me. I m extremely blessed that super talented Dani Slovak agreed to do an interview.
I know every single interview is very different but hands down this one was the most in-depth. Part of me wanted to find the way to cut it but then I just thought that with our interview we give the opportunity for the artists to speak their mind and I need to respect that. By the time you read this till the end you will have a very good impression of who Dani Slovak is.
On his Spotify bio he says that “You don’t need to know what my face looks like in order to understand what I feel”. And you can definitely feel it all in his music.
Tell us about the journey until the moment ‘Lights Out’ saw the light of day!
I wrote the song back in 2018. It was a pretty dark period of my life. I was stuck in an endless loop of exacerbating despair — self-created, but ever so real. I was shutting myself further away from anyone, by the day, until it got to the point where I saw myself only as a hollowed-out husk of my former self and I could no longer recognize myself (both physically and mentally). And some people did try to reach out to me, but at the time it seemed more like a passive-aggressive notion and toxic positivity than a genuine interest for my well-being and happiness, e.g. “Why don’t you look at the bright side? Get over it! Stay positive! Etc.”. So I wrote a song that I filled with all the words I wished to hear from someone.
The story of actually recording it is somewhat bizarre. I was lucky enough to record the vocals for it in a studio. Fast-forward to December 2019, I befriended these Italian/Slovak rappers. We got introduced by our mutual friends and right away we clicked. I felt like I finally belonged, and for a person like me, from an environment like mine, this feeling is as rare as a Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. I wrote and recorded a bunch of songs for them under a whole new artistic name — ONY.
Fast-forward a couple of months into the future, our friendship has met an abrupt end and to this day I haven’t gotten an explanation as to why. They ghosted me, completely without ever telling me if I did something wrong. I had been thinking about that obsessively for months. I only know one of them got signed to a major label in Italy.
As a counter favor, for making music for them, I got to use their studio to record vocals for my own song — it being ‘Lights Out’. We had exactly 30 minutes left on the clock for the day to do it, so I felt even more pressure.
We switched the lights, because I can’t sing in front of people and I need to know no one can see me
DANI SLOVAK
We switched the lights, because I can’t sing in front of people and I need to know no one can see me, and we knocked it off in 30 minutes, transferred it onto my drive and had to catch a bus home.
I had this song sitting on my drive till February 2021. I sent it to an amazing Canadian producer, Jack Emblem, and he was like ‘Let’s make this happen’. I sent him my vocals and midi chord files, and he used his magic to finish it.
I feel like I have a very strong emotional connection to the song, the whole process of making it and the people involved in the process in any way.
There was a big-time gap between your debut single ‘Golden Bridge’ and the first single of 2021 ‘Living In a Dream’. What inspired you to start sharing music again?
I wouldn’t say I felt inspired, per se, I was simply no longer demotivated. It’s the same as happiness for me — it’s not a grandiose positive feeling, it’s just an absence of pain.
For the past two years, my music has brought me nothing but suffering. I couldn’t even tell you how many calls with artists, producers, managers, A&R’s, etc. I had. And every single one brought me just a feeling of insignificance and more self-loathing.
I only shared ‘Golden Bridge’ because someone around me committed suicide, and I was considering ending things myself. I had this song I wrote when I was 18 about having that voice in the back of my head telling me to end it and I simply felt the urge to release it and for anyone out there to know that I’d have their back if they needed me to. Something like ‘You don’t have to explain yourself to me or anyone. We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to talk. We can just hang out.’
I had been writing for years before I ever told anyone. I wasn’t even sure I could sing or ‘write’ music up until I was 22. I honestly thought it was just my delusion. Once I started to share it with people around me, that’s when all hell broke loose. Everyone responded so well to it, I could hardly believe it, and I am so grateful for that. However, people either tried to suck the joy out of something I’ve loved doing — we know how people are because we do the same thing; our insecurities mandate us to find flaws in others just, so we feel a little better about ourselves, so I no longer blame anyone; human nature is the enemy here (psychiatrist in me could talk about behavioral psychology and motivations behind our actions forever) — or they tried to use me — like the friends I mentioned before.
I don’t come from an artistically supportive environment, I was told when I was a little kid that I do not possess any sort of talent and I got ridiculed for saying out loud I’d want to be a singer and a writer. Naturally, I internalized that and it was there and then when I decided that if this ‘fantasy’ or music is to live out only in my head and to be intended only for my ears, I am fine with that. That is the only place no one would ever be able to take it away from me. And after all these horrible experiences, I kind of regretted I started sharing my music, in the first place.
I was led to believe that I couldn’t possibly do all of this on my own, so I tried to reach out to so many people who could help me — producers, mixers, etc; only to be met with disappointment. One day I was simply fed up. If I have no one to help me, I am taking the lead. For all I know, I could die in 5 minutes, just as I could die in 20 years. I am not waiting around anymore, we’re all here on a borrowed time.
I freed myself of the expectation of what art should be
DANI SLOVAK
I freed myself of the expectation of what art should be and that I’d not be able to do it on my own. The expectations of what course of events I should follow. Truth is my music, or l will never be perfect, or enough, and yet it can mean so much to someone. I suddenly remembered what drove me to share my music in the very beginning. I was just craving a connection. I didn’t create it for labels, or stadiums of people to like it. I created it for two people — me and you (whoever needs to hear it) — to let you know that everything is going to be okay.
The world is a scary and lonely place. Nothing and no one matters and at the same time it all matters tremendously.
In about 5 billion years, the Sun will implode, the red giant engulfing our whole solar system and our planet with it. None of what we ever did matter. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Love. Release music. Fail. None of it matters. However, remember, only the smart ones dread hurting others on their ruinous and meaningless path. Bad guys never see themselves as the bad guys in their own narrative and the smart ones don’t find anyone truly fit to pass the judgement as to what good and bad really means.
Right now, I’m improvising and I feel comfortable experimenting and having fun. I’m doing it for myself. And unlike others — I do not seek anyone’s approval, nor am I offering it. Of course, I always think everyone will hate my new song and see me for what a pathetic loser I am prior to releasing it; I don’t know a single person who wouldn’t think like that — if anything it’s the rational thing to do, but in the end, it doesn’t really matter, does it?
I still believe there are so many talented people out there who are the right match for me and I just haven’t met them yet, because I was not ready to meet them as I would not be able to fully appreciate them. The right time and the right coincidences will bring us together.
What does ‘Lights Out’ means to you?
It means human connection and abandonment. I do this quirky thing. When I write it usually comes with weird smell associations and images. For this one, I smelled burning wood in freezing air and I saw pictures of people all over the world getting text messages and calls from their loved ones reminding them how loved they are.
It transported me to one specific moment in my life when I got a very deep message from someone. It was in February 2018, around 3 am, I had to get out of bed onto a balcony to have a smoke. At that moment, I was thinking about jumping off the ledge. The message just broke my heart and shattered me as a human being.
It’s funny how someone so far away can still have such an impact on your life and how connected you can feel to someone even when they’re no longer in your life. Actually, whilst writing it, I thought this song would make perfect music for a service provider advert and I still think that.
Looking back, that’s why I used the star analogy I think. That even when you are miles apart from someone, they can still be the brightest light in your life.
Do you remember the moment you decided that music is what you want to do?
I do remember a moment I heard one particular song — not knowing what that person looked like, not understanding a single word they were singing about, not having gone through the thing they had been through — and yet, in that specific moment, I could feel their whole essence, who they were as a human being and what they were experiencing in their life. It’s one of the most precious memories I have — I can remember the day like it was yesterday — the weather outside, what hoodie I was wearing and how I was so overwhelmed with emotion I had to sit down. I’ve never been in love and had my heart broken but somehow through that song, I know what it feels like.
That was the moment when I thought — this is so special. To be able to connect with someone on the other side of the planet, who you’ll never ever meet, never know what they look like, yet you know them like no one else. You two are best friends, the worst enemies, the voice in the back of your head telling you, you’d never be good enough. You know each other inside and out. It’s a gift like no other. And I thought — THAT, that’s what I want to be able to do. For people out there to understand and feel you without actually going through the same experience, it’s just a GIFT.
And to have that gift…well, if everyone had it, as they often think they do, everyone would be in TOP 40.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do love music, but I’m also a very pragmatic person. I didn’t really know I would have any kind of musical talent — I still don’t, it sort of feels like the whole world would be pulling a prank of massive proportions on me; cause unfortunately my whole life I have been in those situations where people would pull cruel pranks on me just to crush my soul for their amusement. So I haven’t seen a way of me doing this professionally very realistic and I still kind of partially don’t, but I would love to. That’s why I keep doing this as a side project and try not to get discouraged when things don’t go as planned. I am simply going to do this because it makes me feel good and not because I have to live up to some expectations. Just 2 years ago no one had any kind of expectations of me, whatsoever.
I had a conversation with my mother a couple of years back when she said “We always thought you were going to be the one we would be stuck with. And now you just get around like it’s a piece of cake without any help.” Back then, it sent me spiraling and as you can see these are the only compliments I have been getting my whole life (backhanded compliment) — it fills me with strength now — but getting that kind of treatment your whole life from everyone is not really a thrill.
Right now, I am about to graduate medical school in 2 months and become a fully licensed physician. I’ve been saying, to much ridicule, I was going to be a singer, psychiatrist and writer since year 8. I love science and I’ve always wanted to be able to help people. It wasn’t until I was 22, I realized I can transform that into my art. You have so many people out there trying to pose their art as therapy. I’m sure it definitely feels cathartic for the artist but more often than not it just feels like bootleg therapy for the recipient, well at least for me it does, especially when I know what professionally conducted therapy looks like. I am not trying to take a dump on anyone’s art or motives, at all. If it helps you then keep on doing it, but it’s the rational part of me saying this. You wouldn’t go to a professional chef to fix your car. You would go to the car repair shop. Your health should be treated the same way — you should consult it with a professional.
I feel like being composed of these two puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit. One part being the free, creative and all-loving artist, and the other being the cold, logical, pragmatic scientist. And they’re both me, but at the same time, none of them is really me, if that makes sense.
DANI SLOVAK
My whole life everybody said I can’t do it, that I’m not particularly smart, good-looking, good at sports, I’m fat, can’t sing, can’t possibly write music when I don’t play an instrument — so why on earth would anyone care what I have to say? And I get it now. They were right. There is no logical explanation as to why anyone should care about what I got to say and I no longer care. What’s ironic though is the fact that the same people now tell me stuff like — you’re an amazing singer, you lost so much weight, you’re a doctor, now. These are all mutually exclusive things said by the same people which means that on one of those instances they lied and it’s anyone’s guess on which. It’s impossible to ever know the truth because it’s impossible to see into someone’s head — people lie, cheat, and bribe. And it’s been really messing up my brain cause who to trust, then? No one. It circles back to what I said before — nothing and no one matters.
I’m very cautious when it comes to being a full-time musician because it still feels like that massive prank on me. Like I’m one of those horrible singers on X Factor everyone makes fun of, and they just keep indulging me in this little fantasy of mine just so it hurts me even more once the jig is up. So I adapted this philosophy: If it clicks, it clicks.
What was the inspiration behind the decision to stop showing your face?
As a former fat kid, this was never even a question. It feels like everyone on social media says this and is body positive, but then they post half-naked retouched pictures of themselves just to seek approval and praise from others, monetizing their own sex appeal, essentially pointing out the natural flaw in this logic and their own hypocrisy. That’s bullshit right there. And what’s more pathetic is you see so many people addressing this, but at the same time, NONE of them is doing anything to change it! They simply succumb to this trend and justify their own shitty behavior by the phrase — ‘Everyone does it.’ — Did your mom not ask you the infamous question about jumping off a bridge? Remember it.
We know everyone does it! But by doing this, you YOURSELF promote these unrealistic, unattainable beauty standards. What frustrates me the most is when some of these people have the audacity to play the victim in all of this. “Society is putting all these standards on us” — not society, YOU. You, your luxury clothing line, your daily make-up artists, etc…
We teach a generation of people that you only have value so long you are attractive, have abs, big tits, or are internet famous… I’m not even kidding. When I was young I legit thought sex was reserved for attractive people, ONLY!
We are doing nothing to prevent this because we don’t want to prevent it. These biases are so deeply rooted in us we ourselves believe it, we just don’t want to openly admit it…but it’s okay cause everyone believes in it right…? *Should I really ask you the jumping off a bridge question? Well, one of us is making this environment toxic and it as sure as hell ain’t me, hon.
I can’t stand hypocrisy. If I were to become a person like that I’d probably go full-on insane because I wouldn’t be able to shut that voice in my head off.
Everything just seems so social media and image-centric. I’ve always known I don’t want to play any role in this. I am not going to be a part of that and I’m taking my stand.
Don’t even get me started on the inappropriate sexual behaviour around women or toxicity and so-phobias within LGBTQIA+. I mean, just have a look at all these indie artists who have a very “alternative” and “unique” look. Now when you look at the cohort as a whole you’ll see that in a world where everyone’s unique no one really is. Seems like Indie artists think they need to look different in order to be different, well I operate on character, energy and vibe the person is emitting, so I don’t care about what you look like, whether your hair is bleached or you wear blue prominent eye shadows, or whether you look like aunt Susan on Christmas lunch and if you’re a sweetheart deep down it doesn’t really matter to me what you look like.
I don’t want to define anything for anyone, let alone be the source of someone’s misery. I am someone you can open up about feeling down and you know I’ll take that to my grave. I have a major ugly duckling syndrome. I didn’t get my glow-up up until I was 17. I was fat and bullied. I am not trying to be something more than I think I am. I am a regular person and I embrace it.
So you don’t have to know what I look like. You already know who I am. You can’t pin one face on an ideal it represents.
I am your best friend, your worst enemy, that voice in the back of your head that tells you, you’re a living legend when you feel your best, and that you’re a pathetic excuse of a human being when you feel your worst. That’s who I am. I am just like you. I am you.
DANI SLOVAK
Talent, potential and extraordinary things can come from seemingly ordinary people. You. Your brother, sister, father, neighbour. You just have to have a little faith in them.
I not only say this, I wholeheartedly believe in this. And saying one thing and then doing the complete opposite would just undermine the whole cause and make me the very thing I despise. I refuse to monetize my sex appeal, my looks, or my “uniqueness” just to grow my fan base, or make money, f**k it. Success is subjective. Thank god for people like LIZZO!
Lockdown was a tough time for most of us. How did you keep yourself sane?
Unpopular opinion — lockdown has been one of the best times of my life. I’ve been constantly surrounded by loving and accepting people. I got to travel, I got to be okay with myself, to discover what part I have to play in society and to accept there are things around us we have no control over.
Right, when the first lockdown hit, I was doing my semester exchange in Norway and it was probably the best place to be. It was fairly isolated and by the summer, we had the liberty of taking a month-long road trip back home through Norway, Finland, Denmark, Germany. And there were no tourists, so we saw some really magical places.
I kept grounded and connected to people who were good for me. Got rid of toxic people and accepted my past trauma. And I started to read again. I used to love reading, but once I started med school, where you constantly have to read something, come summer, I always needed a break from chunks of text. Now, I enjoy it again. The last book I read was Normal People and I don’t know a single person I would recommend it to who wouldn’t like it. It just so perfectly summarizes millennial relationships, trauma, and it’s so graphic and yet so beautiful. Go read it.
I also produced my first song ever! I had 5 different producers either pass on it or tell me it just sonically doesn’t make sense, cause ‘You can’t just change the rhythms in the middle of the song. You are not that good of a musician.’ One night, I had a feeling of angst overcome me (that’s actually the impetus of the song itself) and without actually knowing what I was doing I somehow laid down the whole production in Logic overnight. I had a friend mix it. It really filled me with so much empowerment because I am so bad with technology and I struggle with the technical part of making music the most.
But truth to be told, there is no good or bad. We are all just people, and we are all capable of horrible and unspeakable things just as much as we’re capable of breathtakingly beautiful acts of kindness. It’s anyone’s call, really. Not everyone can withstand the direct look into the pitch-black nothingness inside them.
DANI SLOVAK
Tell us more about your creative process? How do songs come to you?
I don’t really write that often, to be honest. I don’t believe you should write all the time just as a means to get better. To me, it can come off as in genuine. It might work for others, but it doesn’t work for me. I let my subconscious take the lead and then when I analyze it I’m like ‘Ooh, I get what I meant.’
It always has to have a purpose. Have you ever seen what not having a purpose does to a person? For me, it’s the same when it comes down to songwriting. Without purpose, it’s just empty and meaningless words and melodies.
I am not going to write about something positive just to practice before actually writing that all positive summer banger hit; or about a breakup, because I have gone through 100 of them and I need to practice for when that one hit song comes…If they’re all about that one exact same emotion, why would any of them be special? I think I tapped on this before…in a world where everyone is special, no one truly is special.
The way I see it, I write about one specific emotion only once. It’s rare, but it’s real. It’s like seeing red Aurora Borealis. Some people wait for it their whole lives, knowing very well it might never come. And when it does, you know this is the only time you’d ever see it — it’s rare, it’s special and it will forever be a part of you. And that’s what makes it feel human for us — this experience — it’s intertwined with disappointment and excitement, but it’s real. That’s what makes me and my songs feel human, I think.
The best thing here would be to give you an example. The last two songs I wrote
Over Christmas, my religious Nana’s best friend had died. We talked about god, love, sex, and cheating, and how people only seek out help from this higher entity only in their time of need. And to have that someone out there that will forgive you anything if you just pray to them, and how stupid it is and how we take everything and everyone for granted. It filled me up with so much rage and darkness and faith at the same time. I put myself in a position of a god and how even though you whore around and cheat on me and don’t appreciate me, I would forgive you anything if you just promised to pray to me only and simply held out. It might sound stupid, but to me, it has its purpose and it’s real. That’s how we treat each other.
Right before Christmas, I was falling in love for the very first time in my life, at 25. At least, I had thought I did, or my whatever-messed-up version of what others call love. I have never felt this way before. It was beautiful, it was scary and it was just so confusing. Good, but bad at the same time. So I wrote about it. I know feeling like this, for the first time, will never come again, and even though the song may be bad for all I know I don’t care. It’s so special to me because it’s real.
So the way I approach writing — it’s messy and sometimes weird, but it’s real and it’ll forever be a part of me.
DANI SLOVAK
That’s what I want. The good, the bad, just to feel something. Anything. I think you can feel when artists write like this. Well, I can feel it. It might sound ludicrous but that person out there in the world who is like me and desperately craves connection and to feel something will understand this perfectly.
I just go about my day and when I get a feeling so strong it feels like I’m going to burst if I don’t let it out somehow, I just follow my subconscious, enjoy the ride, and if it’s comprehensible, then great.
Also, I always try to bear in mind: ‘If you have to force it, it’s probably sh*t.’
Can you please finish the sentence: Music to me is…
Safe space. The only place I never really had to share with anyone; didn’t have to explain anything. As if no thought needed to be explained and nothing you could ever do would be wrong. The truth is so subjective in the real world. Your opinion can never fully be the only and generally accepted truth. But there is one place, where the creator’s truth is the only correct opinion — and that is ART. In my case it’s music. It’s been the only constant in my life.
The only place I never ever felt judged was music. Well, I have worked with people when I thought ‘this is no longer space where I can say anything without any kind of judgement’ and I’m not letting anyone disrespect music like that, ever again.
I feel shitty. All the time. The only time I get to feel a little less shitty and not like a complete burden using up someone else’s oxygen is when I get to work on music.
I admire you wanting to help others with your music. Do you have a song that helped you the most?
I have a bunch of songs like that, but they feel very private to me. It sort of feels like jinxing something. These songs mean so much to me because no one knows about them. It’s like a little secret between me and the artist. Something no one will ever know, but when you listen to my music you can hear subtle hints of those songs.
As of now, I have 4 artists who shaped me in a sense they could never understand and it’s such a gift. One that can be never paid back. I can only hope I’ll get the chance to pay it forward someday. That would also be my biggest accomplishment as an artist, I think. For someone to feel that one of my songs belonged only to them and inspired them beyond anything they could ever explain.
You lived in so many places. Where is home for you?
I don’t feel like I have one. I haven’t felt at home for a very long time. I promised myself I’d have found it by now, but the sad and daunting truth is, there is no physical place for people like me. Only the vast averse limbo of our own creation in the back of one’s mind. And even that sometimes doesn’t feel like a place one does belong or ought to.
I do these stupid little things, like carrying a signed one-dollar bill in my wallet, writing letters to strangers, and every year I set up a weird New Year’s resolution.
In 2018, I wanted to have more time for myself — which I did. In 2019, I wanted to find my home — which I have not, unfortunately. I thought I did, but it fell apart. In 2020, I wanted to be the person I truly wanted to be — I think I kind of accomplished that. This year, 2021, I promised myself to treat people around me better and not take them for granted, and hopefully, I’m staying true to my word on this one. And somewhere deep down, I really hope that with this year’s resolution I’d also find that place, or a person, or whatever that would finally make me at home — this feeling of love, acceptance, serenity, and having something to come back to.
You’ve been writing songs for other artists in the UK, Norway, Czechia, Slovakia, Italy. How do you know which song should be given to someone else?
Not artists-artists, but producer-artists, or rapper-artists. It’s simple. If I write a song that I don’t hate, I know it’s not intended for me. If I don’t despise it, it’s not truly capturing my presence and it’s not a representation of me and simply doesn’t belong to me.
There are many people out there who would love to see me choke on my own blood, but my biggest hater of all is standing right here. It’s me. It all comes down to me inherently hating myself. I know the song is mine when I feel the thing that makes me hate myself in it.
Is it horrible, and sad? Absolutely, but it is what it is. There are much worse things out there and I’ve learnt to live with my demons.
My collaborations always turned out to me recording vocals for these people, as well. It really flatters me that so many people would want my voice on their track, but I don’t feel like doing that anymore. I’ve learnt to appreciate my voice for what it is and I’m not going to give it to someone who’s just going to use me. It feels like getting invited to a party only because I’d bring my hot cousin from out of town and nobody gives a s**t if I spend the whole party in a corner somewhere, because I did what they wanted me to do, and now I can die in a ditch for all they care.
I would love to work with someone who could see me for who I am and who’d also let me truly see them for who they are. Those are the collaborations I’m seeking out right now. I want to write a therapy song for someone. To unveil emotions buried so deep down the artist themselves doesn’t know its in there.
What’s your highlight in music so far?
I should probably mention radio plays and Spotify Editorial Playlists, which don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful for. ‘Lights Out’ has been added to a bunch of editorial playlists like New Music Friday.
But the moment I first sat behind the keys and realized I can actually play the melodies in my head is my own personal highlight. It just made sense all of a sudden and the way it felt is hard to conceptualise even for me. That was in 2018.
Close your eyes. Imagine its 20th of January 2022. How would you summarize 2021?
It’s been a challenge. Global warming. Pollution. Plastic waste in oceans. COVID-19. Same old story. Poor people getting poorer, rich getting richer. But maybe I started meds, started to ignore the facts and focused on the bright side; blind-sighted by my own ignorance, I was happy — God knows that’s what everyone else does. It gets worse before it gets better, so for those overly optimistic people who would tell me to look at the glass as half full, I say ‘Honey, it’s April, be realistic.’ So far a quarter of the year has gone by and if anything, the world proceeded to be the same dying pit of tar as it has before. But it does have its bright moments and even if the remaining 2 thirds are good, that’s still 75%, so no glory is coming our way. Be grateful for all the good and stay humble when it comes to all the bad.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with our audience?
I think I might be depressed. I know this seems very pessimistic and like I’m the type of person who always sees the glass half empty, but it’s not like that right now — I don’t see the glass at all. Sometimes I see the cup as an overflowing jug of orange juice, but not today. I have been led on by this industry so many times that I no longer believe that there is a place for me in it. So if you are a producer or artist or a writer who wants to work with somebody who truly and completely sees them for who they are and for what they could be, hit me up. I am your person. I am here and I want to listen.
I like challenges. Easy and uncomplicated things bore me. I have a pathological need to please others and an obsession with getting better at everything I do — holding everyone and everything to an unattainable standard, especially myself. If you feel like you simply have no one to talk to because you feel like you’d be judged, I’m here — this is a strict no judgement zone. You can use my email, or I LOVE writing old-school letters — we can be pen pals! If you identify with even a tiny bit of what I said in this interview, I want to be friends with you.
P.S. The fact that in 2 months I am supposed to be the responsible adult, qualified and in charge of helping people like me scares the hell out of me.
Make sure to connect with Dani Slovak
This coverage was created in collaboration with Musosoup as part of the #SustainableCurator movement.
Introducing » Artists We Interviewed
