Vulnerability is tough. Between not wanting people to know and the fear of looking weak it’s only reasonable that people don’t air this intimacy with strangers. Ironically, however, sharing these experiences comes across as courageous and shows the strength of their character. ‘Affair’ by UK-based artist JEZTLS is no exception. Sounding sure of himself and confident, it’s his unique and innovative style that I found impressive
Groovy synths and a modern hip hop drum kit pave the way for distorted vocals. The thin instrumental helps the lyrics retain their quiet, confident delivery. In a similar vein, the song never gets loud. Instead, it calmly pushes along as JEZTLS switches between various styles.
Exploring his sound through these different verses sounds natural. They match the energy of the content matter they discuss. At points, he sounds fed up, at others apathetic. Throughout the entirety, it doesn’t stray too far from that central groove, however. ‘Affair’ is an intimate look into learning JEZTLS experience learning to cope.
JEZTLS doesn’t follow any template on ‘Affair’. He sounds perfectly content paving his own lane.
INDIE TOP 39
What does ‘Affair’ meant you?
TW/ r*pe, assault
‘Affair’ was a way for me to process and speak on my feelings, after being assaulted. It’s the first time I’ve provided proper vocals on my own track – it just felt like something I had to do because this message was so personal, no one else could tell my story but me.
Around February time I was preparing to release a collaborative project with a handful of artists, I had all types of promo and backing set up – then I got assaulted. During those weeks in complete shock. I couldn’t even leave my room, I was close enough to alone in a foreign country and dealing with this. So I pulled up one of the beats I’d made for another artist and just freestyled the whole of Affair in about an hour, into a hand held mic.
It was almost sad that it came out so raw and unfiltered – some of the lyrics reflect feeling guilty and victim blaming myself – was it me who put myself in this situation?
I think overall though Affair represents overcoming that sense of blame, the structure feels like 3 separate emotions, the state of shock and dismay, the state of realisation and the state of anger and pain. I’m not at all a rapper but I wanted that last verse to have the confidence of someone who can rap, I drew inspiration from some of my favourite artists like Angel Haze, Pusha-T and Kanye on that front; their energy and commitment to being honest and passionate.
Trauma lasts forever and it’s something I still struggle with daily – even months after. But the power of music gave me a voice and a reason to speak up and talk my truth, tell my story to those who might be going through the same thing.
A survey by Survivors UK recently found that 47% of gay/bisexual men have experienced sexual assault. Even worse is that 1 in 7 of those contacted the Police. For me this ‘Affair’ is something I genuinely thought could never happen to me in a million years, I’d had friends share their stories, but to experience it first hand was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through. This song has made dealing with it so much easier. It’s become a comfort blanket for me.
(Refrence: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-57892684 )
What are your favourite lyrics in the song?
This drug is so dangerous
This tastes like love
This drug is dangerous
I feel stuck
This line at the time came when I was feeling one of the strangest emotions – psychologically I was going through a lot – this romanticism that someone had taken advantage of me felt almost paralysing it was completely like a drug… I was frozen and stuck. I didn’t leave my room or eat for days, I just couldn’t even get out of bed. I think the worst part about it was in my head I made up this excuse and tried to reason with the person who had assaulted me. I look back at some of my past relationships or encounters and start to see parallels in some peoples behaviour, or the way in which abuse is romanticised in movies.
Which Netflix series or movie would you like your music to be featured in?
It’s funny actually, I had watched Michaela Coeg’s I May Destroy You over lockdown and it was really eye opening. I feel like it helped me in so many ways to have that visual representation of how I felt after on the screen. I think Ciara Elwis deserves all the flowers for that soundtrack. it was so beautifully crafted, so I guess there’s no reason to have my track in there haha.
I would love to score a Jacques Audiard film one day. If there was a scene set in like a dream-scape/heaven I could see Affair fitting in there.
Who do you hope the song resonates with the most?
I would love to say an A&R or management or something corny, but honestly anybody who gets it gets it. One thing I’ve learnt over the years is to stop seeking validation. My music is made for me – to listen to over and over again until I either release it or come back to it years later. I have around 60 finished songs at the moment, but none represent me now. And in a way that’s the beauty of being an Artist, having a time capsule to look back on and say – I know that little boy would be so proud of the music that he’s making today.
_____
Make sure to connect with JEZTLS on Facebook » Instagram
Now you can listen to all the 39 songs in one place, right here on Spotify!
This coverage was created in collaboration with Musosoup as part of the #SustainableCurator movement.
